Dealing with Toxic Families During the Holidays
Not all families are rainbows and butterflies. Many families try to sweep abuse under the rug when a victim comes forward about abuse occurring. Whether abuse has occurred inside the family or outside of the family, often times the victim is blamed. If you are a survivor of abuse, you deserve to be in a space where you feel supported.
If you choose to be around family members that you don’t feel supported by, consider these options:
Identifying your boundaries (example: things you are or are not willing to discuss with them)
Keeping the conversations surface level
Avoiding discussing topics that make you feel uncomfortable
Only stay for a short period of time
Having an “escape" plan if you feel the need to leave
Taking Care of Yourself:
Write down a plan before hand
Take breaks from them by taking a walk
Make your boundaries clear to them
Find a safe person to confide in (example: a best friend you can call)
Practice positive affirmations to build yourself up before seeing them
You are also welcome to consider the option of not attending holiday events with your family if it is going to cost you your mental health. The number one priority is your safety. If being with your family makes you unsafe, then not attending is most likely your best option.
Other activities you can do instead of visiting your family:
Volunteer - lots of nonprofits are in great need of assistance during the holidays
Treat it like any other day (example: put on a favorite show, go get coffee, or read)
Spend time with a friend who also isn’t celebrating
Look up local events in your area to attend
Celebrate the holiday on your own - make it special for you
Consider going to a potluck event (example: churches typically host events on holidays for people who spend the holidays alone)
Talking to a therapist about your options and how to handle the holidays can be helpful. In trauma therapy I often assist clients in empowering them by giving tools on ways to make the best decision for themselves. We also discuss useful resources to gain confidence in yourself. One of my favorite resources is the book “it’s not you” by Dr. Ramani who talks about dealing with narcism. If you have a premium Spotify account, you can listen to that book for free along with her podcast. This is just one of many resources I provide to my clients and help them 1:1 work through healing from abuse.
If you are looking for extra support during this time, I am accepting new clients for individual therapy. I provide virtual sessions all across the state of Florida or in person sessions in Fort Myers, FL. Click the Free Consultation link to schedule to start your healing journey with Healing Loudly.
Please be aware if you are in immediate danger contact 911 and/or a local domestic violence shelter. This messaging system is not to be used for emergency or crisis services.