5 Ways to get Through a Break Up: Therapist Approved
The most difficult thing about a break up can be that you are grieving a person that is still alive.
Note that these tips are for someone who is very ready to move from their ex. If you aren’t ready to let go, these steps can still help. You may notice some resistance to doing these steps because these things are difficult to do. We want to connect to your long-term goals, so let’s heal from your past together.
Go No Contact
If you really want to get over this person, not being in any type of contact with them is what is neccessary. When people stay in contact with their ex it only leads to more hurt feelings and possibly getting back together which will also lead into more unresolved pain. Remember you are broken up with them for a reason. Pretend your ex is a drug and you are on the path to sobriety. This means…
no texting/calling
taking them off of your social media
not looking at past photo memories of them
You don’t have to delete everything right away if you’re not ready to. However, it also not helpful if you are purposely looking through old pictures or if the pictures pop up on your phone. Facebook, Instagram, and iPhone memory albums feel like the absolute worst after a break up. It’s like all of your apps know about your separation and want to randomly remind you once a month of your favorite memories with this person. Luckily you can…
archive photos on social media apps
turn off your memories notifications
go through your phones photo album to hide those memories.
When you feel more ready you can delete them later. Take this step one day at a time. You will mostly likely crave talking to this person because they have been a constant person you have been in communication with for maybe several years. It is normal to want to talk to them, but drags out the pain longer the more you do. Remember, you aren’t weak by going no contact wit your ex. This step actually takes a great amount of strength.
Focus on Building Your Friendships
Make sure these friendships are the friendships that are separate from your ex. Or at least friends that won’t bring him up out of the blue about them seeing your ex and how “great” of a person your ex is. The worst thing is surrounding yourself with people that will make you miss your ex even more and put your ex on a pedastool. The best kind of friends are the ones who meet you where you are at in your stage of grief. Meaning…if you’re sad they bring you a pint of ice cream and watch sappy movies with you. If you are angry they take you to a rage room to smash out your feelings. If you are in denial they remind you that you are worthy of a love life that’s amazing and aligns with your values. Our friendships can be so healing. They can teach us the care, communication, and attention we deserve in our intimate relationships. Some times people find themselves isolated after toxic relationships because their ex didn’t like or allow them to be around friends. If you find yourself in that position, here are some ways you can make new friends
Try Bumble BFF
Go on Eventbrite, choose an event to go to, and chat with new people
Talk to another person at the fitness studio you go to (or join a gym)
Ask a coworker to grab appetizers with you after work
Let Yourself Grieve
Emotions are tough to move through. When you are feeling sad about ex it can feel like you aren’t making any progress in moving on. However, that isn’t true. Moving forward includes feeling all of your feelings. You are actually just feeling the healing process instead of avoiding it. Journaling can be a great tool to process your thoughts. Creating something artistic like drawing can be a great tool to process your feelings, especially when you feel like you’ve said all the words. For more information about the stages of grief from a toxic relationship, check out my other article.
Plan Things You Will Look Forward to Doing
One of my personal favorite things to do is all of the things you couldn’t do while you were in a relationship with that person. For example if they didn’t like to travel, buy a plane ticket and go somewhere you’ve always wanted to go. If they were controlling and didn’t like you wearing short dresses, wear that dress in the back of your closet you put away. When we don’t have things to look forward to in our future, we are more likely to pull ourselves into a deeper pit of depression. Sulking in your bed some times helps, but you don’t want that to be your entire future. You probably had future events planned with your ex and thinking about those plans not happening anymore feels pretty upsetting. By replacing your future with things you want to do, it will help ease the pain. This part may also be rebuilding your identity without this person in your life. You are relearning how to be with yourself. Do things you will enjoy.
Avoid Situations that Bring You Around Your Ex
I see you. Kindly, stop going to places or doing things to try to capture your ex’s attention. I mean this in person and virtually. You don’t need their attention. Here are a few ways that people (maybe you) try to get their ex’s attention post break up
Attending social events your ex will be at
Posting on social media a hot picture of yourself so your ex sees you looking good
Checking your Instagram story views to see if your ex is interested in what your doing
Looking up your ex on social media to see what they are doing
This only results in you continuing to focus your energy on them. Start doing things for you and de-center your ex. Your ex will continue to be in the forefront of your mind if you proceed to try to be around them or check up on them. Although this is common for people to want to do, it prolongs your healing. Instead try…
Taking a break from social media
Spending time with loved ones in person
Cooking a favorite meal to nourish your body
Getting a massage or facial
As a licensed therapist, many of my clients have gone through separating with a significant other. If you want further individualized guidance on surviving your break up, I am accepting new clients in Florida. I provide therapy virtually all across Florida or in person located in Fort Myers, FL. Sign up for a free consultation with me here